Wednesday, March 23, 2005


The spring offensive has begun and the holy war is in full swing. As intelligence sources predicted, the arrival of spring has brought the combatants out of their winter quarters, refreshed, full of daring, and looking for a fight. Our enemies intelligence appears to be top notch as the first target of this daring insurgency is the hooch shared by the LTF191 Commander, Support Operations Officer, and myself. They slipped in undetected, quickly made their presence known as we drifted off to sleep. Here is a recap of the first night's actions:

Around 1630 Dublin Pub Time (9:00 P.M. Local) the LTC Langowski had finally had enough of the day's trials and tribulations and decided to turn in. I followed him out of the TOC about 15 minutes later while MAJ Short cleaned up a briefing to the new Marine contingent to be presented the following day. It should be noted here that the Marines are responsible for force protection on the FOB so they are under scrutiny. The quarters occupied by the SPO and myself consists of the rear half of the tent occupied by the LTF Commander. His half is designated as "The Commander's Tent", our half is designated "The Bucksnort Saloon". Upon entering the Bucksnort, I carefully positioned my weapon and radio for quick access in the dark, said my prayers, and closed my eyes. Then I heard him......."Chhhirrrrrp".

I couldn't believe it. A cricket had invaded our beloved Bucksnort. The dreaded Jimminyhad had slipped through our defenses and infiltrated our sleeping areas and the Cricket Holy War had begun.

CHHHIRRRP...CHIrrp..Chirrrrrp. I listened. There was no movement from the commander's tent. Had he been taken by surprise? Had he been overpowered? Had he fallen into cahoots with the enemy? Perhaps he was just lulling the enemy into a false sense of security. I chose to believe the latter and decided to follow his lead. I lay quietly listening to the harassment and interdiction waiting for the command to intiate the counter attack which would surely come when our commander felt we had the startegic advantage. Chirrrp....Chirrrrp..Chirp..Chirp

I waited with taut muscles and straining sinews, ready to pounce when suddenly the door burst open. Firepower 8 (A.k.a. MAJ Short, Mr. Rubble the town and salt the fields) had arrived in a cloud of freshly exhaled smoke interrupting Jimminyhad in mid Chirp. The sounds of combat ensued on the far side of my half of the tent. Chirp. Crash, the camp chair became collateral damage. Chirp. Stomp. Chirp. Whack. CHIRP. Whack!! Whack!!.

I deduced that the SPO was implementing the Hammer and Anivil tactic of a dynamic manuver force driving the enemy towards a static defense, and I laid in wait to play the part of the anvil. Strangely. The sounds subsided. No chirps, no crashes. Had the Jimminyhad insurgency slipped away to it's safe haven? Was the SPO lying in ambush? Quiet settled over the Bucksnort and peace prevailed for the better part of a half hour when suddenly three loud bangs resounded from the Commander's Tent. The SPO with his amazing cat-like relexes had been circling back and forth from the Bucksnort to the Commanders Tent luring, prodding, and provoking the Jimminyhad insurgent back and forth across the border in tactics that insurgents inherently cling to, when finally he had gained a strategic position with which to rain down enfilading fire. The insurgent was designated with the flashlight in one hand and the other hand held the open Leatherman tool; the instrument of said poking and prodding. With the Holy Warrior distracted by the light, the Leatherman had descended...and missed...and missed..aaaannnd missed.

The Jimminyhad slipped back across the border and the dejected SPO returned to the bucksnort resigned to fight another day. He too strategically located critical items as he made ready to retire. The lights went out. Quiet prevailed.

BOOOMMM. "Bunker Drill", The siren sounded. We scrambled from our beds grasping for weapons and body armor. Stuffing feet into the first pair of boots available and dragging radios and clothes, I lurched out of the Bucksnort headed for the bunker. As the mighty SPO pulled his boots on and crashed out the door, he was bid farewell by a defiant Chiiirrrrrp.

The Jimminyhad continues.......


Anonymous said...

It's amazing -- your fine sense of humor extends to the far reaches of the earth! So much for the easy Germany tour... Good to hear you're alive and doing well; get that LTC before you retire! (SFC Bolhassan and I are eagerly awaiting your next installment...)

Jeanne D

Papa Ray said...


I snapped over here from somewhere (I forget,from where), I am so glad I did.

I think you missed your calling,or at the very least, you have a talent that will assist you in your day job.

Continue the Mission !!

And,by the way, thanks from an ol' Grunt.

Papa Ray
West Texas

Me said...

You have a great sense of humor! This is really funny. Thanks from an American Girl extremely grateful to have the greatest men and women in the world fighting the bad guys for us.

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