Saturday, August 06, 2005

Through the Looking Glass

OK, now I'm convinced that the world has gone completely mad. No, I'm not talking about the Uzbeks kicking us out of K2 (not a big surprise), or Bin Laden's deputy reiterating that Muslim extremists still hate the British (although he hopes it doesn't adversely effect his chances for the International Mr. Congeniality Award), I'm referring of course to the NHL free agency moves.

After waiting an entire year for the NHL and the Player's Association to get their collective acts together, they not only come to terms that mean players salaries are reduced from the astronomical to merely exorbitant, but they also introduce rule changes that open up the ice for offensive players, restrict goalie movement, shrink their equipment, and add the shootout to get rid of those tiresome tie games. Hopefully this translates into the average person being able to go attend an NHL contest in which some goals are actually scored without refinancing their home.

Now this was great news until I found out that the salary caps imposed on the teams meant that the rich teams like my Colorado Avalanche would no longer be able pay the king’s ransoms required to keep more than one or two of the leagues elite players. In short order we saw a flurry of activity that made the Chicago Board of Trade commodity pits look like a neighborhood garage sale and when the smoke cleared upside down was sideways, and backwards was inside out.

Trying to make sense of it all and knowing what an international following the NHL has, I went to the outskirts of Metropolis to see what the local Afghani population thought of all the free agency moves.

I asked this young Afghani lad what he thought of the Colorado Avalanche's prospects for capturing a 3rd Stanley Cup after losing Peter Forseberg to the Philadelphia Flyers.

YAL: "I don't care; I'm a Los Angeles Kings fan. You can tell by my purple backpack."

Me: "Well, getting Peter Forseberg meant that that Philadelphia had to send Jeremy Roenick to the Kings." (That was about the time he got that look on his face)

YAL: "Wasn't Roenick the guy that told ESPN that if the fans didn't like the strike they could go...."

Me: "Yes, that's the guy, and you shouldn't that kind of language."

YAL: "@*$%*@*!!$#, I don't want that guy playing for the Kings."

Me: "Where did you learn that kind of language?"

YAL: "That's what my dad told me a Soviet soldier said when Sergei Federov signed with the Detroit Red Wings back in the old days."

I couldn't argue with that sentiment so I moved on to the discussion where the cool looking sunglasses dude was trying to explain the finer points of the free agency moves to the Afghan National Police.

Afghan National Police in blue: "What did you say say to my boss that made him look like he's going to slap you?"

Cool looking sunglasses dude: "He's a Dallas Stars fan, I could tell by the green shirt, so I told him that Pierre Turgeon was traded."

ANP: Is he going back to the Blues, or is that Adam Foote?

CLSD: No, he's going to Colorado. Adam Foote is going to the Blue Jackets, not the Blues.

ANP: Well I don't care about him then, my friend here is a Blue Jacket fan, you can tell by his Bluer Jacket, I'm a Blues fan, what did they get?

CLSD: &$%#@&*.

And then there was the little girl with the New Jersey Devils head scarf pondering the impact of Scott Niedermeyer leaving the Meadowlands to go play with his brother in Anaheim.

So clearly the widespread chaos of the NHL free agency has turned the whole world topsy turvy.

OK, that might not be exactly what all the locals were talking about the other day, but hey, if we think the Stanley Cup being in Tampa Bay is normal how far fetched is an expansion team in Kabul?

1 comment:

MKL said...

Man, YAL must really hate Jeremy Roenick!